With everyday, I become less of myself and more your mother. I can clearly see how women lose their identity to simply become a child's mom. It's all worth it, as I start knowing your nuances.
I'm getting quite well versed on how to keep you more comfortable. It's really the simple things.. when to diaper change, how to diaper change as quickly as possible with the Pavlik harness. When to feed you, when to wake you up for a feed. How to feed you, how to pace your feeds. You've started having gas, and I've started giving you back massages with 2 fingers squeezed behind your harness back straps. Techniques to put you to sleep, then keep you asleep (hopefully in your bassinet but oftentimes) even if it means that I'm awkwardly sit-laying to become your warm vibrating mattress. These small simple things define my life as of now, along with every 2-2.5 hours pumping sessions to provide your sustenance.
I live for your smiles, your grunts and gurgles. I love your smell, your soft skin, your full head of blonde streaked dark hair. My heart is full, as you grew an extra chin and a giant belly this past week. I live to see you developing, Just yesterday you changed your focus to me as I came to you. You looked straight at me, into my eyes. Oh how it thrilled me that you wanted to see your mother.
I love you so much, incredibly so.
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