Postpartum Tears

I burst into tears, as my husband held my hand in bed.
after a long day of focusing only on little Nari

I felt a rush of support, immense gratitude, happiness and love

Week 40- Jackfruit

Instead, she's here in my arms, 3 days old

The Birth Story

(Written way in the future, after the chaos of the hospital and first week settled down)

Contractions started at midnight
Checked into triage at 7 am
Intense labor by 8 am, wheeled to OR
Return to L&D
Start pushing 1140
Gave birth at 1 pm

Week 39- Watermelon

The last stretch..

FISHY

- flexing her limbs

- lots of movement, not just kicks but entire body moving from left to right to front to back.  Comforting, but It's almost a quesy feeling

- brain rapidly developing.  Been joking around the last few weeks, voicing out  "I'm fee-shee" , "it's me, it's me"

- nails might extend past her fingertips. So curious!

ME

- having the most difficult time sleeping through the night.  The last 3 nights I've been wide awake for several hours at a time (mainly between 3-5 AM).  Restless, but tired.  I found comfort wrapped in a thick winter blanket on the couch.  Yup, in the living room.  Wanted huaband to get his sleep, since he works beyond full time

- Gained almost 45 pounds, with majority of it (guessing 30-35 pounds) in the last trimester 

Looks stuffed with a beach ball, huh?

Week 38- Pumpkin

These sharp "sciatica"-like pains (pelvic, crotch, & sometimes legs) aka "lighting crotch" are more frequent, with good reason.  Little Fishy's head is sitting low & bumping into all different kinds of nerves. Especially when I'm settled in bed and trying to adjust or get up.  Gotta say, the back pain has lightened up.  AND i havnt has a prenatal massage since last Monday. As for the other symptoms, they rotate so I'm always dealing with one (or two)

It's really now a waiting game.  I'm on maternity leave, a week earlier than I was aiming for.  The crib is built, mattress being shipped, changing station created.  I'm sorting the baby gear, but still in bags.  More baby goodies were purchased with my Amazon 15% completion bonus.  I still got plenty of cleaning & organizing to do.  Hope I really take advantage of this extra time 

--

3/1/15 ObGyn update

Everything looked great, Fishy is estimated 7 pounds (which is most likely too generous) & looks like she will stay put for at least another week.  During the ultrasound, she was doing her little breathing exercises.  As I'm writing this, her hiccups are strong & vibrating both to my tummy and my back.  I'm excited to meet her, see smell and hold her.  But a bit fearful of the labor.  Had a mini discussion about the "cut off" for when I'll be induced.. Yikes 

False Alarm

OMg, had a little scare

I left work this morning &went to L&d to rule out ruptured membrane.  Aka, did my water break?

It all started at midnight,  thought I peed myself and popped out of bed.  Never got out of bed that quickly.  Especially since I've been having nerve pains in my pelvis.  Anyways, Threw my undie into the sink & ran water through it.  Went to the toilet, emptied the bladder.. After cleaning up, went straight back to sleep.  Kept getting that "leaking" feeling every so many hours, and just used the toilet.  Honestly nothing new, if it was discharge.  But to pee myself?

In the morning, it happened again.  I checked the stain of my undies, it was clear watery and just a little.  Even performed the sniff test, was NOT pee

Since I wasn't bleeding, and didn't have any new/ strong pain, didn't think I was contracting.  I went to work 

Gave my Obgyn a call, left a message.  Apparently my work phone wasn't getting reception, they ended up calling my boss & recommending to call L&D.  Over the phone, they couldn't figure if I ruptured membrane or not.  Recommend I come in, now

To get a sense of the urgency, I asked if I can come in after my shift end and they said sooner the better. Preferably now

So I haphazardly cleaned up my work area, & drove through almost 1 hour of traffic, valeted the car, Checked in, got a nice room with a view, & an even nicer nurse.  After leaving a pee sample in the cup, the nurse hooked me to the NST monitor and hearing little Fishy's heart beat started to comfort me

Turns out I was having regular contractions.  Hypothetically, if I have a ruptured membrane.. I would be staying. Either wait for the contractions to do its work, but at a point would be induced to labor.  I started to panick

That's my scared look cuz the girl next door is whimpering crying howling

Ended up it was all a false alarm

Of Note, thought te exams they did were interesting

They made me cough hard & took some fluid for a pH test

The Obgyn (senior resident, but a pgy-3) did a visual exam & didn't see fluid collection in my vagina

She also took a sample of the fluid & looked under the microscope.  It was no amniotic fluid

Apparently some women make clear watery discharge in prep for labor/ lubrication 

I'm gona be the boy who cried wolf, when my water really breaks I'll be ignoring it..

Week 37- Wintermelon

Full term, yay yay 

Some are shocked I'm not taking disability the month prior to the due date.  I do deal with inconveniences, including back pain while driving & throughout the day from sitting. just having a hard time lugging my work stuff to and from the car.  But honestly, wouldn't say I'm disabled

Plus I would miss the sunrise, like today's 

--
37+1 edit
Obgyn confirmed everything is going well- checked fluids, placenta, cervix, & Fishy is estimated 6 pounds 5 ounces.  Was told most first time pregnancies go to or even a couple days past the due date, so Fishy would most likely be 7-7.5 pounds at birth.  
Also, my work sick leave & Aflac short-term disability forms have been signed off.  Looks like I'll officially be taking maternity leave starting next week.  Not too many of those sunrises on my way to work left..

Week 36- Honeydew

Fishy, did you know the honeydew might be tied with watermelon (the size you'll be at full term) as daddy's favorite fruit? 

She's getting really close to no longer needing me.. Feeling bittersweet about it all.  Right when I'm starting to enjoy being literally the "host" in this symbiotic relationship, it can all be taken away.  

Since she's early term, it's really getting real..  The car seat was installed last week.  Now, I find myself adding post partum goodies into the Amazon shopping car & Revisiting lists to pick out a middle name.  Just cleaned out my top dresser drawer, with plans to stash diaper goodies.  The top of the dresser will hold the changing pad, complete with a cute flower mobile.  I've downsized my closet space, James moved all his work clothes into the newly created space, which emptied out the baby room's closet.  Swing, bouncer, and other new/ borrowed goodieshave found a place to wait at.  Hoping to do some furniture rearrangement to create a nursery, which I initially wasn't planning on.  But oh my! How things have changed.  Got some ikea furniture building to do, as well!

It's going to be a busy week.  Glad I got to squeeze in another prenatal massage today.  Tomorrow is my Obgyn appointment.  An "exciting" one with Tdap booster & GBS swab.  Bracing myself for dead arm & an uncomfortable Pap smear like experience 

--

They need to call it a GBS scrape

Anyways, here's my one & only (almost) bare belly photo

Snapped while waiting;)

Week 35- Coconut

Today is 35-35

Week 35, with 35 days remaining 

Growing a baby has taken it's toll on me, both physically & psychologically. But to read that little Fishy's major organs are complete. That her kidneys are developed & liver is functional makes it all worth it.

An image of what's going on inside of me: 

Anterior placenta no longer blocks the movements.  She's grown so that I can feel kicks and jabs into my ribs.  Also, her hiccups often vibrate right into my backside.  Palpitating buttcheeks, hehe

--

Thought it'd be fun to compare my belly to the above photo reference

I'm a lot less pointy & I would say more rounder.. Possibly little Fishy is laying lower? 

Week 34- Butternut squash

Feels like little Fishy has exponentially grown.  I can feel all the different movements, not just the hiccups & kicks but also her shifting and adjusting.  Sure looks it, I'm full on prego status.

I've read that she can hear and recognize songs, so now I'm motivated to sing some lullabys.  Too bad I don't know too many, might just end up singing Sam Smith ballads, haha

She's also urinating a pint a day, and I'm excited to see her estimated length & weight when I see my Obgyn tomorrow.  I've been having quite a voracious appetite so I'm hoping it's gone all to the baby

As for me, my legs and feet swelling remains the same.  Still having constant back aches on right dorsal muscle, worsens when sitting and really loosens up when I lay flat on my back.  This couples with rib tightness and pain right where boob meets belly, I'm always in aches.  Oh, the GERD has lightened up significantly but lower GI goes between constipation & the other end of the spectrum.  Someone's I'm unloading 2-3 times by lunchtime. 

--

3/4/15 update

Today, little fishy measured 4 pounds 13 ounces via ultrasound. Right on target

Also, saw her looking around & even blink! 

Not many of these urine tests left..

Baby Shower

Today is my "fake" birthday, and my best friends hosted an incredibly beautiful baby shower.  I am blessed beyond words

Will update with photos once I get them 

Hiccups

For the past week, my bouts with insomnia has mostly been due to baby hiccups.

Been describing it as a slow consistent heartbeat.  Rhythmic, evenly paced with rarely a pause.  You know when your temples are throbbing from a headache?  Or you feel like you can actually hear your own heart beat after a sprint?  Well, feels just like those palpitations.  Sometimes my entire belly twitches at each hiccup, but right now it's vibrating through my insides all the way to my backside.  Consistent, about every second, for up to 30 minutes

Was told it's all part of Fishy's nervous system development, sending signals to work out her muscles and diaphragm, in anticipation of breathing on her own.  "When the diaphragm contracts, the baby will suck in amniotic fluid and thus cause a hiccup effect. The lungs are not yet fully developed and thus are not used to process oxygen, so drowning or choking cannot occur. There is no danger or discomfort for the baby. Oxygen is still being carried through the umbilical cord."

 

Currently a nuisance, but a beautiful reminder that I'm growing a healthy baby 

Week 33- Durian

Fishy keeps her eyes wide open while awake, which sounds just crazy.  But I saw her eyes move and even blink during last week's 2d ultrasound

Week 32- Squash

Getting bigger..

Now her hiccups would wake me and keep me up 

--

2/18/15 update

At the ultrasound today, my Obgyn measured little Fishy right on target and estimated the weight as 4 pounds 5 ounces.  Seems heavier than all the online estimated based on due date.  Almost there!

Happy Lunar New Year

I'll remember this one forever since my little Fishy will be born the year of the Sheep 

Week 31- Pineapple or Coconut

Pineapple on one website, coconut on another. I guess, little fishy is feeling tropical this week 

Week 30- Cucumber

Strong enough to grasp my finger ;)

Been feeling lot more movements, even hiccups

As for me, I have it all.  Heartburn, swelling, discomfort, shortness of breath, trouble sleeping with vivid dreams 

Week 29- Butternut squash

Not sure what an acorn squash was, so butternut it is.  

Found a pretty great depiction of what's going on right now:

It's give or take how much bigger I've become. Also shows the anterior placenta, where Fishy is attach to the front & my placenta provided a type of cushion.  Explains my feeling movements a few weeks behind, and much more muted.  

Fishy keeps growing, I guess the highlight this week is muscles, lungs, and head size to accommodate the growing brain.  As for me, heartburn & consolation has come back with a vengeance.  Apparently the progesterone relaxes smooth muscles, including my GI. With baby crowding, my digestion is slowed, causing all the gas heartburn & constipation.  Sigh..

Just gotta be glad I havnt started to experience hemorrhoids (ouchie)

Happy 200

Dear Fishy,

Mama is napping like no other, finally gained weight and grew a noticeable bump.

Papa is working on your birth present, a new bathroom for you to enjoy your bubble time.

You're now 28 weeks and then some, measuring 2 pounds 7 ounces just a few days ago.  

From now on, I will get to see you every oter week until your April arrival

Love you already, Natalie 나리 (=Nari, meaning Lily flower in Korean) Kim

Ps, I wrote this onto FB while your papa was driving.  Actually, your crazy parents were going to Lowe's, and then (the fifth visit just today) to Home Depot.  You seem to like these trips, dancing away & all

Week 28- Eggplant

Hello third trimester 

Fishy has a Name

Natalie

The name was THE favorite of the husband, and really really grew on me.  Had all the "preferences"

- 3 syllables

- classy, yet girly

- beautiful smart women with the name, Natalie Woods and Natalie Portman

- easy to pronounce for Korean speakers, 나탈리 Na-tal-lee

Which is actually how she got her Korean name 나리, Naree. Derived from the first and last syllable to make a traditional 2 syllable Korean name.  Plus, it also means Lily flower